It's for men now too!

Mark gets ripped.



I wonder if he used colon cleansing too.

I love how he's an Asian in the ad and then on his site--there's never a picture of the same guy.

And I just LOVE this before and after shot.



That's right! You can get ripped too!

They're doing it right! Or better, anyway.

Colon Cleansing and ASCI berry spam sites are LEARNING! Take a look at THIS one!

This one.

Wow! They've learned so much! I'm so PROUD of them. This one even jibes at the 'blogs that are everywhere' and I admit I actually thought it was a legit article until she started going on about the same amazing results in the same format that every one of the blogs does.

I was floored. The site looks legit, the voice is not a copied and pasted article with some Javascript, there's no before and after pictures clearly photoshopped... IT MAKES FUN OF THE 'BLOGS THAT ARE POPPING UP EVERYWHERE'... wow.

You guys? You've got it bang on. I only wish you hadn't closed comments so I could tell you how proud I am of you for listening to the sobs of agonized designers everywhere. This site looks and sounds legit. I almost fell for it until you started giving me promotional discounts for the product.

Oh yeah, and clicking on her face shouldn't redirect me to your diet product site. It should probably, you know, bring up some information on her. But still! Pretty good, overall, not at all like the blog versions!

Something Amazing Is Happening in Oz

That's right, ladies and gentlemen...

They actually took my advice.

Meet Grace.

Grace is also a robot with two kids who lost weight with Acai Berries and Colon Cleansing.

Unlike Helen, effort was actually put into her site. That's right! THEY ACTUALLY LISTENED TO ME! The model looks like the same person! She has back posts on her blog! She doesn't have Javascript!

Yes, Grace's ads still look like MS Paint vomited and offer to tell me ancient Chinese secrets, but Grace's site... actually... is almost human. Not quite, but almost.

I mean, it even has some REAL weight loss tips on the sidebar instead of a bunch of USE THESE PRODUCTS! spam! Oh, my word, you guys are just amazing me. In other news: your daily weather forecast. Get ready for winter and dig out your parkas, demons and dencitizens, because it looks like we're in for a blizzard!

Congratulations, people behind the bots... you actually made an ad site look like something other than one giant ad vomited onto the computer and accidentally created and published a website. Whoever was responsible for Grace's blog deserves a raise for being intellegent and listening to the pleas of suffering designers everywhere.

I sent them a little thank you in the comments. Which will never be posted. But that's okay. My heart was in it.



PS: Helen never approved my comment. =(

Kickoff.

And this is what kicked it off! So, I click ads. I know that clicking ads is generally what supports sites I like, sooo I click'm! Just so you know, my absolute favorite ad in existence EVER is the one for Lord of the Rings online: Moria, which has the Eye of Sauron and says STARING CONTEST! GO!

Best ad ever.


However, some ads are not so great. Meet Helen. She will never approve the comment I made on her site, I'm sure, because Helen isn't real. Helen is a copy-and-pasted copy of many other women's trials and suffering with various problems, with a convenient domain name made to her name and sufferage and convenient Javasript so she's from wherever I'm from and her site always updates.

This is Helen.



What ancient rule? Acai berries? That's not an ancient rule, an ancient rule is OBEY THE GODS OR BE VANIQUISHED BY FIRE AND BURNINESS! I'm sure you'd lose weight if you obeyed that rule, anyway.

And why is it that when people lose weight, their hair magically straightens up and looks more stylish too, and they stand around looking all skanky?

So I sent her a comment.

Are you related to the woman who used two free trials of products for her teeth too? I mean you're both conveniently from Edmonton, Alberta (coughjavascriptcough) too! I also note that you post no full sized pictures of your face of your AFTER body, shouldn't you be showing that off?

And if you're just a mother of two/three (make up your mind!) how is it that you can afford expensive advertising across the internet?? Your commentors even have astrisk marks in their comments to your little footnote underneath! It's like they're all conveniently building your search engine optimization! And they all use real names too, to be non-threatening and support your cause! Do you think we can't see that?

Congratulations on losing weight, but seriously, you guys with your adbot blogs really need to learn to make it believable for those of us who think like advertisers AND think like the internet. Maybe you should hire me. I could make a believable weight-loss blog that doesn't sound like an adspot and still sells the product.

Let me tell you, corperate-spambot-blog-trying-to-look-and-seem-friendly! I click your ads searching for the day I find one on the other side that's not a clone to all the rest, a couple tiny, probably Photoshopped pictures or different people entirely... and a long speech about how you're just like us, an overweight woman with kids (mind you, I'm an overweight college student studying graphic design and marketing) and then LO AND BEHOLD, this FREE TRIAL! LAA! Looking for something that's not another ACAI BERRRY AND COLON CLEANSING MAGIC! Yes, I believe that these things might work for some people. Great!

Give me a blog about a real woman's trials and struggles, that doesn't have javascript to make her conveniently from the same place as me, that doesn't have javascript to lie about the last time it was updated, that doesn't have a domain name that's conveniently 'helensdiet' when we all know a woman with kids probably isn't going to know how to register a domain name let alone pay for all the adspots EVERYWHERE. Let me see blog posts where she's depressed and gloomy and then finally a triumph, be it with ACAI BERRY MAGIC LAA or damn hard work and struggles with an addiction with sugar.

Maybe I'll make my own weight loss blog.

Dear Helen, if you really did lose weight and aren't a copy and pasted blog entry modified slightly to fit the theme of the adspot (because some of us notice these things) congratulations! It's hard, many of us have been there. We're also very cynical people who notice trends in advertising and marketing and crap.

Your ads and presentation suck.

Since you have so much money to throw into advertising on every site on the internet (possibly from us clicking ads and then clicking to your sponsers?), please throw some money into a graphic designer. Your ad campaign is lacking and looks like a copy and paste from everyone that's come before you.

By the way, I'm losing weight for free too. Without Acai berries. Without quick fix products. It's slow but probably much healthier than dropping weight that fast. I expect to have lost forty pounds in a year from now. It will also have cost me nothing more than a healthier lifestyle, which will help me for LIFE! Because, I assure you, obesity isn't the only problem most of us overweight people have. Losing the weight is one thing. What about exercise? Eating better? Even if you lose the weight, if you're not doing these things, you're still at risk for health complications. It's better to, instead of looking for a miracle diet, focus on changing your lifestyle for the better--which is what these fad diets don't encourage.

I should probably just make my own blog, so that I don't have to rant into cyberspace.

I probably should've made my own blog instead of tearing apart the white teeth lady who also got free trials of two products which made not only her teeth whiter but her entire face! She was also from Edmonton, Alberta, and actually had visible Javascript in her source for it, too.

Come to think of it, that girl promising a good time also was from Edmonton...

I'll be back next time I see an ad that makes me rant, instead of sending a comment to the poor blog maintainer!

Hello, there!

Hi. I'm Ti. This is my blog. Because I'm sick of ranting into cyberspace at unsuspecting adbots.

Okay, and maybe real people tooooo...

Chances are I will rant about ads, webcomics and weight-loss etc ads here. But y'know. Who knows?

This is me. I am cynical.

I also study design.

Also, the Capatcha to make a blogspot blog suckzors.